My Burial

This is the 21^st century, where men are becoming women and so a topic like this should not be strange.

As my friend said, “ If I can talk about my future plans, I should be allowed to talk about my death”.

I also feel since I have confidence about where I will go to, how bad can it be?

So my Burial- I am very obsessed about how it should be.

Too obsessed I was telling my mom and brother about it some months ago and my mom shouted “Are you mad?, why are you telling me? Is it me that will bury you?” and it occurred to me, that was very wrong.

Why am I particular about my burial? Because I am a happy person and I believe I should be put to rest that way, with joy and laughter and all.

Anyway, to my burial plans.

                                              

I want my burial on a sunny day. (Lord please, I don’t want to die during raining season. If I do, please don’t let rain fall on that day. Thank you)

I want people dressed in all colours but black (I know people will be sad, they don’t have to show it).

I want every guest to come with a flower and a balloon…..simply because I want extra colour.

Worse case, there can be a balloon stand outside where people coming in can simply pick up a balloon (I think this is better). This balloon is to be released into the air when the procession is coming out of church.

I want the choir to sing happy songs, I am still working on my song list, but I definitely want “O happy day on that list”.(Infact, can they please sing it twice, last time when people are coming out of church).

I want the ceremony to be really short, the pastor might need to be informed earlier about this.

I want the rest of the time to be used to talk about me (It is my burial isn’t it and that might really be last time I will own a moment; I hope not).

Lastly, I want to be absent from my funeral (I’m sure you are wondering if I am mad; of course I will be dead).

What I mean is, I do not want my body buried- I want to give out all my parts that can be taken-alllll of it, .Organ Donation (I will be registered for that)-

I always wonder, why go away with anything good if someone might need it (I know Nigeria will be that developed then).

That means I might be cremated abi; (the rest of my untaken body) my ashes (what to do with them?).

Maybe they should be put in a tin and buried in the ground.(I am not a fan of sprinkling your ashes across grounds where kids might play or something scary. I am a free spirit, but i think a can will do) 

If by any chance, I need a coffin????(Nothing fancy if there has to be)

It can just be white and simple.

My obituary programme should have my extremely happy pictures, it should also be infused with cartoon characters, especially the minions.

If I forgot anything, i still have plenty of time to adjust this, so I think this does it.

O wait..people also eat at burials.

They should have chocolates, cake, macaroons and gummy bears.

Disclaimer: This does not in any way mean I think I am dying anytime soon. I have had no vision or premonition.

 I definitely want to live till I am old with Great grand kids.

This is just a thought that I have had, about what I would want my burial to be. Since I can plan my birthdays and weddings, I just want to plan it.

I simply want the perfect burial.

Awele

I never met her and I never will. I knew her from pictures and she looked young and vibrant and happy.

You know those people whose pictures tell you a thousand words? (about how they are fun and exciting and can laugh in every moment)

 Well, she was one of them I guess; but I am almost certain. I have a feeling that if we ever met, we might have been friends.

Calm down , I am not famzing… not best friends, but at least cordial friends.

But we never met

We never met, because Awele left the world.

With all the energy still within her, she left.

On the 10^th of May, Awele was snatched away from this world by Sickle cell.

Awele had Sickle cell Anemia.

You can find out more about her by watching Awele’s Diary on You tube.

Every day Nigerians loose a friend ad loved one to Sickle cell. I watched from a distance as people mourned her and I could not even imagine their pain.

Having a sickler friend or family member is a hard thing.

You watch them have a crisis,

 You watch them scream in pain,

You watch the live a nightmare time and time again and you try to be strong for them,

You watch them through the pills and drips, you say a prayer and you trust.

Then for a while they are good and strong and you say “ oooo, maybe they are done with it for life” and if you know any of them, you know that they live in every moment when they are on their feet , they are so full of life and that makes you love them even more.

Then one day, you wake up and hear they are in the hospital, or maybe you even walk them in, hoping to walkout soon, but they never follow you out.

God bless the upcoming Dr. that will find a cure.

God bless the Dr.’s currently working on it.

I pray one day, there will be a way to end this misery permanently.

Tilll then…….

What do you say to a friend whose genotype is AS and wants to marry someone whose genotype is also AS.?

My friend’s friend is in this situation and so we were talking about it and the right approach- We couldn’t find any.

A part of you wants to shout “ARE YOU MAD? What about the future?

What will happen to the kids and the pain they will live life with?

What burden and sadness do you want to put on the friends they will meet?”

Then while telling you about how they love the guy, they use the words- FAITH

In that moment, you pause and you are short for words,

Because those grounds are holy and you have to thread carefully.

Faith,- that single word.

They have faith God will see them through and they will have healthy babies.

Today, I have a few questions

1.    What do you say to a friend who has faith?

      2.       What will happen if the first 2 babies are SS (I think they check that from even when the woman is pregnant) will you terminate time and time again? How will you cope if you have to do that?

What do you think???

I find it inexcusable for anyone in this day, age, time or  moment in human existence etc.  to walk around without knowing your genotype. There have been a lot of campaigns for that by the SCAF- Sickle Cell Aid Foundation-

#Break the sickle Cycle

#Know your Genotype.

#Test your new born kids.

Knowing your genotype is not for fun, it’s so you can do the right thing which is #Breakthecycle. When you are still in the level of friends, before love comes in, especially if your genotype is already AS, please ask. Please be sure

Rest In Peace Awele.

May God comfort her family and friends and use her story to wake people up to the reality, dangers and pain of bringing a child with Sickle Cell to the world. 

Mind Your Business- Hell no

I woke up to somebody on my BBM using this as his DP.

  So on my way to work, I thought about this.

Mind my business?? Helllllllll NOOOOOO.

If I mind my business, how can I be aware of gossip around?

 If I mind my business how can I hear the latest?

 If I mind my business how can I know the highest paying jobs? (to find eligible young men, fit for a princess)

If I mind my business, how can I be involved in every other person’s life? (look at it positively)

I refuse to mind my business please.

I want to know who is dating who.

Who has broken up with who?, who has a new job? and who is going for an interview?

I want to know who is vacationing? and with who?

I want to be a minister of information.

                              

                                       

                                            Okay that was my rude alter-ego honest side.

Up next,  is the side I explain to humans to look decent, human and Christian.

If I mind my business, how can I put a smile on someone’s face?

If I mind my business, how can I know if my neighbor is hurting?

If I mind my business, who will pester my friends till they can smile?

If I mind my business, how can I be relevant to the world?

If I mind my business, how do i find fulfillment?

If i mind my business, how can I be me??????

So I decided-   Me keh, mind my business? Lie lie.

Please I want to be very involved.

Justin Beiber became rich because he sang Ushers song, he did not mind his business.

Oshiomole met the young wife because she did not mind her business, maybe she served him on a flight.

Linda Ikeji we all know, because she writes about other people’s life, she did not mind her business.

If you minded your business, would you read my blog? NO (the more reason why you should not mind your business)

In the present world of “me, myself and I”…the issue of minding ones business is deeper than ever. It is suddenly turning to an “I don’t care, whatever”… and this hurts.

 How many times have we sat close to someone hiding tears and just an “all will be well” will go a long way, but we did not even notice.

How many times have we missed an opportunity that we should have jumped on because we are too busy- minding our business.

I do not think minding your business and pock nosing (yes, it is an English word) are the same thing. 

There are limits to everything and I guess we all know to keep the boundaries.

Please mind your neighbour business a little bit. Just be sure they are fine. We owe humanity that much.

No one minding their own business ever did achieved much.

Incase you don't know, you have to mind other peoples businesses to find opportunities and money making ventures. Infact, minding other peoples business is a matter of life.

Check Jesus out. He was everywhere, minding everyone’s business- the sick, the sad and all.

2,000 years later and his majesty still reigns.

 Mahatma Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther; they all lived minding peoples business and we still celebrate them.

Today I leave with few words- Mind everybody’s business. The thoughts on a Babes mind.

Remember to live, love and laugh.

Queen of the Ring

Disclaimer: This post is not about a girl who is in love with starting or taking over fights on behalf of friends (though the name could serve)

A girl sang a song called -Lord of the ring on stage at the Lagos Jazz festival. Changed the name a bit, but kept the idea.

Sadly I do not know her name but  he song was great, so I dedicate this post to her.

The song was about guys who propose to a girl and there is no wedding for over 3 yrs, some as many as 6yrs (does this really happen though? 6 yrs? I hear its becoming very rampant)

I decided that this was something I had never really thought about, so I decided to think about it and these are the thoughts that were on a Babesmind.

To be sure I was making my judgement from the worlds definition of a wedding proposal and not mine, I asked Google, and it said "A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other's hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of an engagement.

I have highlighted the words –ask for the others hand in marriage; meaning a proposal is- I will like to marry you.

(By the way, did you notice how Google did not state that the guy asks a lady to marry him; they said one person asks another person. Ladies take note, you can also ask)

It means you have thought hard about it- All her habits that you hate and you are ready to deal with, the entire financial burden it will put on you and  all the family drama that is about to start.

You have thought longer and extra-extra harder about all the things in your life that you will have to give up- all the side chicks (wonder why there should be any though) that you will have to give up and you have told yourself- Hell yea, I am ready for this.

Then you planned as we had agreed in the post The ringless proposal that a proposal was in order and then she said yes.

She told the world- mom, family, friends,colleagues, enemies (like yes b*tch, I am hitched before you) and anybody that cared to hear or compliment on the new bling on her finger.

All thanks to social media, the self-acclaimed news casters aka  friends put it on their bbm DP’s. People she had not seen in years also put it up, people from all around call her,.

Some people even go as far as her Facebook page and say congrats, awakening her formerly uninformed acquaintances.

To make matters worse, the guys that were all around waiting for you to do kpim so they can take over; see it and walk away. The equally distant crushers begin to kill their feelings.

Now, this is the point where I stop understanding things.

What happened? What is your excuse for taking her up a hill and then leaving her hanging?

What can the possible excuse be? That 3 years after this free public show you make no further move or you go to see her parents after this and then never follow up?

Ok, let me not be judgmental. Let me find possible excuses

1.       Her bride price was high- but when you met her and heard where she was from, didn’t you suspect? Or when you realized you like her, did you not do a back ground check? And find the range? 

( I do not even think this reason holds water because I know if this is the issue, a girl will always work it out, call her family to order or something, it will sha be reolves)

In fact, I cancel this as a possible reason.

2.       Mid- Life Crisis

Ok, so you thought you were ready to get married then she said yes and suddenly, you weren’t sure again?

This one is almost understandable, but is it fair?

To put somebody’s life and happiness on hold because you have cold feet.

Mr. Man, did you not think about this through and through and through? And are you the first person to have cold feet.

 (I also cancel this reason; cold feet cannot be longer than 6 months now, can it?)

3.       You or her needed to travel aka holding her down

Bros, if you need to travel or she does, is it not right that when you ask, you are sort of ready to do something small or go for a while (like a year) come back and finalise the wedding plans? Do you propose to go and never come back again? Is this particular reason not evil? So she will not have another relationship and she can wait for you for forever?

I find this one really selfish and unfair. It’s ok if she has to wait a yea, but when it reaches ¾ years and you are schooling and she is here waiting you become an enemy of progress. No lie.

4.     Getting back at her

This reason, is the one I am most certain about (It has to be, it is the only logical reason). She has hurt you before and you din’t know how to get back at her, so you decided to put her life and happiness on the line and embarrass her.

All these are the reasons people say “ It is God that will judge you” (he will judge us all, but yours will be special).

From all the reason my brain could muster, my verdict is that there is nooooooooooo good enough reason to make a girl "Queen of the ring". It is simply not nice. If work or finance suddenly went south, then do a wedding within the new budget (abi?)

I personally wonder how the girls even wait that long and what the guys  tell them that make them willing to wait. If you have a friend, sister, enemy sef waiting for a guy for up to 3 years, Kill the thought of how embarrassing the question will be and please ask her “babe, whats up?”. 

There is no point being silent about this.

I am emotionally exhausted at the thought of this, but I can’t forget to say live, love and laugh… Bye

What do you think?

I wrote about marriage last week and this, does not make me a relationship blogger, i have written about other things, feel free to go through them.

Mothers run the world: A wedding tale.

The introduction was finally over and her mom looked at her and said-“ I mixed up his surname. I kept telling the pastors to pray you break up with James John instead of James Paul (I hope it is obvious I am using fake names), I only found out his real name when they called him at the introduction, no wonder you people did not break up, because I know God always  answers my prayers.”lool  (What is it they say about God working in mysterious ways?)

My friend is getting married to her boo of 8yrs (before you go awww or the guy tried) you need to understand the story behind these 8 years, the relationship might have been shorter but for a lot of drama to put it in one word: Her mom.

                                                      

Dear readers, pls do not become lawyers and judges all up in here,  her mom is an amazing mother and wife with the best intentions. Anyway here comes the drama.

Stage 1; Direct : My friend is an Igbo girl and her boo, bae, baby, bestie (trying to recount all the names she calls him, but that would take 2 pages, she changes name per season) is not Igbo.

Her mom gave hints from the moment the relationship began,” he is not Igbo and he does not have money” (You see in life, whatever you lack money makes up for it, be ugly but have money; be a wife beater, but have money; be ill mannered but have money. Money is the perfect Make up, how did the world get here thou?).

Stage 2; Gaining Support:  This drama started about 3 years ago when he was ready to make her a Mrs and maama was not ready to hear that one, she got her husband on her side.(as with almost every Nigerian mother, I personally think that is an unfair battle 2 against 1, until my mom reminds me that –and the 2 shall become 1)

The hubby support was not enough; Maama told the story of her daughter being stubborn to anyone that cared to listen- friend, neighbour, aunty etc.

Some called her to advice her, but she gave them a piece of her mind and when  Maama heard “your daughter was rude”. Maama decided bf was the cause, her daughter had been jazzed.  

Now this stage was terrible for her, because it involved name calling in front of her younger ones- the disobedient child, the bad example (she is the first child).

It got as bad as getting referred by her parent whenever she had needs (including school fees) the bf, since “she had chosen him over them”. Being the amazing guy that he is, he paid the fees and provided support not just him, but his whole extended family. His mom ensured she knew her doors were open 24/7 in case she needed a getaway or peace (which you can be sure she always needed).

His mom went as far as visiting her mother to talk it out (do I need to say how that went?).

But how can you leave someone who was there for you in those moments, he was not there for her alone sef, he brought his family along (who walks away from that? Jezebel’s mentor?)                                               

Stage 3: The eventual miracle

January 2015 came and le’ Boo’s mother told her “we have to do this wedding 2015, start praying (My friend however felt God was on her parents side, if not how could she be suffering so much), but she prayed and really fasted, travelled home and spoke to her dad (in the same words she had used a million times before) and this time he agreed and gave a date for introduction. Maama still did not move.

Here comes introduction day and she did not lift a finger to cook and get ready for the in-laws (my friends alobams came through and the cooking was sha done)

Introduction goes on and Maama hears bobo’s name and realised SHE HAD BEING CALLING THE WRONG NAME at the pastors she had gone to, the confession you read at line one.

It’s now post-introduction and Maama becomes an angel from nowhere. She is all about the wedding and the guy, caliing him, cooking for him when he comes to town “after all, he is her Son-in-law”

Did I mention that this story is 100% real?

It is up to you to decide if miracles happen?

My dear friend, while others might read this with a smile or a laugh, you would read it with a tear or two because to you this was no joke, it was a painful reality for a long while, but congrats you triumphed. Wish you an amazing wedding and a home filled with love.

Experienced this, going through this, see this coming?. Whatever it may, share your thoughts.

Kidnapped

Have you ever been kidnapped?

Well I have.

Not the “we have your daughter and we are not returning her till you pay an outrageous sum of money” Kidnap.

 In all honesty any kidnapper that will try that will be wasting a good kidnapping avenue, because my parents have nothing but prayers to offer (Prayers is always good enough, but that’s not what the Kidnappers want, especially since the prayers will definitely not wish them well)

I am sorry, I always divert (You should be used to it though)

I was kidnapped by my friend, a guy who liked me in school.

His friend was out of town and he needed to get something from my neighbor, exams had ended and everyone was planning to head home.

The friend, let’s call him  Ash ( Why? err, because I can and the name ain’t bad) and the one that liked me –Kid (shortened from kidnapper). Try to remember the characters.

Ash asked me if I could help get something from my neighbor who was leaving and drop it off at his house with Kid since I would be passing by. I agreed, after all, it was an in and out (If only I knew).

When I got to the house Kid had visitors that were just leaving.Immediately they stepped out, he locked the door. I wanted to go out and he said No (I thought this was a joke, till he walked away with the key.

His reason- he wanted me to be with him, he promised not to touch me, and he did not (thank God, even though I prayed so hard and I am sure my mom was too). He said he just wanted me to spend time with him as that is what he had always wanted from me – time.

To cut four hours short-  I struggled for the key, formed vex, sat closed up in a corner and hid away my tears for 4 hours( he could not see my cry and then feel victorious).

During this time, he kept asking me if I wanted to eat, if I was comfortable, if I was angry (who would not be), if I wanted to kill him (why not) and how he was really sorry and I should forgive him.

He even offered me food and opened the window so I could scream to the neighbours (If that would make me feel better, though he knew no one would send).

I do not know how to feel, glad he was not touching me or sad that I was with a psychopath (who else would kidnap a girl, be begging for forgiveness and expect a smile ooo  and also not touch her(thank God thou), except in Novels, which I blamed myself for reading)

Ash came back from his journey by 10:00pm (he was my price charming in shining armor as I had no idea he was going to back that day)  and set me free, he was really sorry and mad at his friend.

He called all week long to say how sorry he was. Nice guy.

Note that Kid did not touch or harass me, but he locked me up, for hours 4, I mean FOUR GODDAMN HOURS.( Just in case you want to for detective and see how dumb I was, he took my phone from me and yes, even if I was a dumb girl, my adrenaline made me smart and still- Nothing worked)

He was not a stranger to me either, but I felt humiliated.

Considering I already have a terrible sleeping habit. I did not get any sleep that nigh (though I was back to the comfort of my home). I thought of all the things that could have gone wrong.

That is why I cannot imagine Chibok girls, what they might be going through, if they are alive?, how they have wept and what life would have been for them over the last year.

Their mates have gotten into universities, and they are what? Wives of heartless demons?

Are they even alive?

Do they have any hope?

Do they still believe in God?

Should any teenager go through this?

I have had a 4 hours kidnap experience and I still hate the thought of it (though it is a funny story now). Talk more of a year.

What do you think or have to say?

There is no good way to think of kidnap, it is bad in everyway. Imagine waiting for someone, the anger, the agitation, then imagine it against your will. That still has nothing on kidnap.

Nothing in this world does.

The part 3 of Easter had to do with Fast and Furious and how we remembered that Paul Walker had gone, but this morning was day 365 of Chibok girls. I am sorry, but I chose that over.

Paul Walker I will miss but considering there is a plan from how 7 ended for a part 8, the world has moved on (deep breath), It always does.

Nature's Identity Crisis

There is a reason we have holidays, so we can rest from work and have fun.

While fun means different things to different people- Reading a book, watching a movie, cooking and sleeping, I think there is a need to find fun in stepping out, going out to do something. For help on that, please read an earlier article, The Bucket list.

When I was growing up, my family moved to Jos. My elder brothers were in secondary school, leaving my parents, my younger brother and I. Great times.

Every Sunday, after church we would dress in hiking clothes, jeans, shirts and trainers and head to a new rock location that my dad would have spotted over the week. It was an exciting routine.

We would climb a hilly rock for about 30 minutes, with our board games, football, camera and well packed picnic.

I loved those times and I am still drawn to nature.

On my way home for the Easter, I realized that while I do not have all the money in the world(yet) , I still want to travel and see things. I realized that careful planning is all it really takes, 

I want to start from this Christmas (fingers crossed). Life is too short to not see the world (please note that the world starts from outside your door, the world is not in the movies or novels, you have to step out to see it).

A lot of people think they have to travel out and their budget bla bla, but there are beautiful places in Nigeria if you are willing, here are  a few

1. Kajuru Castle Kaduna

2. Yankari game reserve Bauchi

3. Obudu ranch in Cross river

4. Gurara water falls, Niger state

There are also a lot of travelling agencies, Brisk Nigeria, Wakanow, or other deals on deal dey and booking early helps.

And there are a lot more. It is just the 4^th month of the year, and a little dedicated savings a month can take you a long way.

In the love for nature, my friends invited me to head to Gurara water falls in Niger state.

So on Saturday 04/04/2015 we planned to head down. Before the journey began, we went to get a few things we would need. We drove into a store to get them. 

While driving in we read a disclaimer that said loosing the card attracted a fine of N10,000, we laughed at how ridiculous the price was and went in, only to misplace our own card (what is it they say about power of the tongue, lool).

Well to cut the long story short, we spent about an hour sorting it out, by we; I meant the guys, and the ladies remained in the cars. 

(To say it mildly I sat meekly, but I hated that, why could I not be inside with the guys finding a solution and filling the forms. I felt really boxed and I buzzed their phones, but going in meant getting hate eyes from the other girls; who does this girl think she is??? Women issues, to be handled soon) and having some of the guys think this girl is stubborn o, why can't she just sit in the car?).

We (they) sorted that out and hit the road. Just as we got there and were settling, some of our friends strolled further away and we heard screams and my friends came back shaken, someone had just drowned.

We strolled towards the group, young people like us, who had come to have some of natures peace and quiet, they had gone into the water to swim, and as they were getting ready to go, their friend was coming out of the water and started drowning (maybe he lost a footing). 

One of the “water guards” tried to pull him up, but he started pulling him in instead and he had to let go.

Two of my friends and I gathered around the water to pray for a miracle (I still pray will come). The guy never came back up till his friends left, and so they drove home without him. I wondered who will go to his house door to tell his family, 

How would they find the strength to travel home safely?

Its been 5 days and I am still not over it, the times you want to ask God why, but he understand things better.

Talk about an Identity Crisis.

                         

So you love nature but it can be dangerous, tornadoes, tsunamis. Beautiful and yet deadly (talk about trying to figure out your identity) , that is natures war and we cannot stop it, we also cannot live locked because you never know.

With nature; it is a love hate thing.

Nature has its own Identity crisis, to be loving or to be fighting.

To allow them have fun and go or to bring out the evil roar.

Even nature has its own Identity Crisis.

I want to be angry at nature, but I know just like me, it has its own struggles.

Then again, God made the earth (beautiful) but now, the devil runs it (talk about that mean guy, what do you expect)

I do not know if that would scare or encourage you to explore nature, but live while you can, enjoy the beauty of the earth, by all means live life.

I know this is a sad story, feel free to say whatever you feel in the comment box.

also share how you have managed finances to enable you go on  a vacation.

My vacation, story 2, story 1 here

The Vacation part 3 comes up on Tuesday. See you then.

Remember to Live life.

(I hope you start making plans, so by January we can take turns to share vacation stories).

Mental time machine

Why did today have to be Tuesday, because today is one of those days where I just wanted it to rain all day while I lie down on my bed, drink tea and read a Karen Kingsbury novel (days that only exist in my dreams these days- demands of growing up)

Have you ever been exhausted with a relationship, 5 yrs later and you ask yourself, How did i get here (because it has become a boring place and the emotions are gone)?

How about your job, when you go, why on earth am I even here? This is the worst and most boring job on earth.

Or life. To think it has almost everything you thought you wanted but it seems so empty and you are sad.

It was really not your fault (or anybody's) , all these things just became too normal to be exciting, they became boring and regular and tiring and you almost want to ask yourself " how could I ever want this, what was wrong with me?"

 

Rewind a little while before we got that and you would not believe the excitement we had about them.Take your brain back a few years or months or whenever.

Like the Job and the day we got the employment letter, the screams of excitement. 

The relationship, the day he asked you out and you felt butterflies (like OMG!!! this guy is going to be mine)

Or  Guys, the day you asked her out and she said yes; how you had lumps in your throat and the little fear that she might say no (even the baddest guys have this and yes!!!! i am sure)   or the feeling of accomplishment when she said yes. 

How were we so excited about something before and how does it get to the point when it seems old and boring and draggy and usual and what on earth is this (am i the only one that wonders how this happens).

Sometimes when we are having a little of this "unhappy situation" and someone around us is excited about getting something, the demon in us goes " you will soon be unhappy with this situation". 

Sometimes we are mean enough to say it to their face (we say it as if it is out of concern) but our hearts know better, the questions go like this-

 Are you sure you want to take that job?

Are you sure you want to date that guy?, you know good boys can be boring and i know you ( ah ahn)

I know the job is good o, but do you want to stay in that state?

Or the job is good o, but are you sure you want the stress?

Then our memories become really sharp and we simply and stress lessly remember sad stories about similar situations. The best part (sad really)  is how we end it, " don't worry your own will be different", I'm sure it won't happen to you". (Like the message hasn't been dropped already).

Back to the topic ( I tend to be a good diverter)

How do we get to the point of hating what we once loved?

How did that which made us smile, become the reason for a permanent frown?

How does love turn to hate?

 

I do not know (If you expected an answer, I am sorry to disappoint)

While I cannot say how we get there as the routes are as different as every individual and situation, the destination is almost always the same (tired, angry, suffocating and needing a way out).

 I can attempt something else (No promises, but no harm in trying right).

I think reflecting on it from the old view helps.

But at least, I can attempt to say how to get back on track.

 Remember how you felt on day one, how it felt to open the mail and see the employment offer, how it felt to be looked at by Bae, Babe, Baby ( whatever you choose to call yourselves).

Sometimes, it takes seeing things from a new eye, like re-evaluating.seeing it from the way you saw it the first day, remembering why it excited you and finding what made hat moment great to you. Like a little rewinding clock. No one can do it for you, but you can do it for you. There's always that memory that would make us smile again and maybe that is the starting point.

Its important to keep our mental time machine ready to go back or forward to what lies ahead.

Worst case, remind yourself of the scarcity of jobs, or good guys/ chicks or how long and sad it will be to find a replacement.

 This is where my theory and post really started from.

To get us ready and excited for the Easter events, my church made a one minute film to summarise the essence of Easter.

 One minute i repeat, but it was so strong it made people around me cry, tears streaming down and all. 

 It was a sudden realisation of what Easter meant, nothing we din't know but a fresh look and it changed my view of easter.

My Easter was a long something, so i shall break it down to 3 parts. A series??? (err I doubt, Just  3 stories of the Easter holiday events that are not really connected).

Today, I started from pre-Easter (I hope there is a word like this)

Have you ever wanted to give up on something, how did you find your way back? Please share, we all need to learn more ways,

Remember to use the mental time machine and  by any means necessary, Live life.

We will pick the next part of Easter up Thursday. Remember to follow by e-mail .

The Revolution is here.

It’s a few hours to knowing who is our new president. In fact, when you read this, we might know who he is. I am a little excited (Just kidding).  I am very very very excited.

To me, this is not about who wins or loses (It iiiisssssssss)

This is a revolution, what do I mean, THIS IS AN awakening.

This is a proof, Nigeria has woken up.

Gone are the days of “it is not my business; let them do their own thing”.

Compare last election to this; (sky rocket).

People went out to vote (they did not end there) they waited at their wards till votes were counted.

To me, this is not about who wins or loses, No.

This is about us sitting up and standing for our rights.

Understanding the real power of the masses.

Reviewing a past government and knowing the way forward.

I am Nigeria.

I have woken up from not caring.

I have decided to speak up for myself.

I say goodbye to the shackles you had used to bound me, saying what can they do, they have no choice.

No sire. I am awake.

I see things, I know things, I make choices.

I put up and take down Government based on how they perform.

I am not blinded by bags of rice and little change anymore.

I see the greater good, I know the greater good, I go after the greater good.

I cast my vote and watch what happens to it.

I do not sit and cringe and be a cry baby.

I speak up with the tools available to me- Social media.

I do not kill for you or ask for peanuts.

I ask, what you will do for me and my kids.

I am Nigeria and my Revolution is now.

Whoever wins, this is a lesson, Nigerians are now wide awake and they watch and they know and they are active.

The Government for the next 4 years should know to deliver because no one will fold their hands and watch.

The revolution is here, we are lucky it did not take guns and knives and World War Nigeria to deliver.

We are lucky that all it took was the power of the thumb.

Goodbye to the walls that stood against us.

We are here now and that is all that matters.

The Revolution has come.

Happy Independence day Nigeria.

Me of my words

I have failed you and I am sorry. Very sorry.

 On the day of  Empty bucket list I promised to put up 2 post a week, and for 2 weeks, I have not delivered even one.  I have good reasons (excuses really), like - work has been over whelming, my phone got bad, I was bla bla, but these are honestly just all excuses.

My word should be my bond, at all cost- staying up all night to get an article, typing on my phone during transit, (calling in sick at work to deliver; just kidding)

Brings me to –Me of my words.

I was phoneless for a couple of days and instead of being sad and depressed, I was actually comfortable and happy (strange but really true). I made plans on one of these days to meet up with my friend somewhere in town. Since I had no phone and this arrangement was made over a borrowed phone, we agreed to meet there by 6:00pm.

 She was worried something would come up and the timing would be affected by an hour or more. I re-assured here and I made sure I was there by 6:00pm and so was she. (Cheers to us, our word was our bond).

Sadly in this generation, we (I inclusive) find it difficult to say something and keep to it, starting from timing and trickling down, thou we always have the perfect excuses (maybe not excuses because they are real) but there is always a reason sha.

It made me wonder how our parents and generations past cope. Since they did not have means of constant communication.

They would agree to meet a month before and both parties would show up, no excuses, no need to call and remind even though they had no reminders and yet they made it work.

How did they meet and make plans when they could not check up and be sure.

Our words in this Generation are very shaky. How many times do we make promises and keep to them. I am guilty, very guilty even though I always have good reason and I try to communicate that.

Almost every single girl has in her wish list (a topic we should handle soon) a guy who is a man of his words. I think in past times, it was a given, men were as good as their words..

What happened to us? How did lying become so excusable with the words wash, -all na wash?

When guys do it, it is a lot worse. They promise a girl a million and one things and fulfill none (not even the-I will call you back soon)

This is how I see it, If no one put a gun to your head, why promise at first. If you promise and things do not go the way you plan, can you communicate it. A little sorry, I got caught up, sorry I cannot get you the things we agreed on.

How many people can vouch for their husbands, boyfriends or fiancés and say “oo no, he could not have said that, or he said he would so I know he will’.

                                                        

What weight does your word carry? Can anybody bank on it? Does your word precede you or is it a mock. WE NEED TO TAKE “WORD IS BOND” BEYOND A PHRASE AND LIVE IT. (I also need to ask me these).

Maybe it is time to correct it, adjust it, upgrade it and make it all count. I plan to.

Remember to share your opinion…

Thanks

Where Women Stand

I read with utter shock the story of the Saudi woman who was raped by 7 men (not 1, 2 ,3 ,4,5 or 6, a whole 7 ). Instead of helping her go through the trauma, convicting the men and arraigning them before a gun squad, she was publicly flogged for going out without male company, she protested this and was flogged 200 times in public . My head has scrambled.

( Give me a minute to understand this please) .

(I still don’t get it, but waiting for me to will take forever. So let’s move on)

But really, Why?

Did someone ask again why March 8th is marked as International Women’s day?

I know the day has passed, but this is my next post after it and I dare say this day  deserves to be everyday in the life of every woman/ human.

Let’s go back a little while.

There was a time when women could not work or vote. They had to dress a certain way in public. They could not complain about how their husbands treated them and they were subject to his wishes.

Women woke up and said no. They fought hard and those amazing women won.

Thanks to them women now have jobs, own cars cars,  bank accounts, and property. Women can now drink or smoke if we want to. Women  can now apply to study certain courses and can even  file for divorce ( not like it is supposed to be but the option is now available, not in that way, my point is the freedom we have).

(The simple things we take for granted these days)

Thanks to them being a woman doesn't seem like a curse but a blessing. Thanks to them we can now scream the power of a woman.

The real thing to think about is this: Are things for women the best they can be? 

NO

Firstly, not when in some countries women are still treated that way. Not when women in some offices work as hard as the men but do not get the promotions they are due. Not when some men still feel insulted if their boss is a woman  (not like I blame some of them, women can be--women) or how ballistic some men go if a woman gets a promotion before they do, forgetting how much harder than them she worked.

I am really proud of Rima Karaki who showed women how it is done. This TV host and university professor, cut off a scholar on national TV some days ago for making demeaning  statements about how she was beneath interviewing him. After cutting him off from the live broadcast, she said “In this studio, I run the show.” (a standing ovation please). I hope she gets an award soon.

Secondly, Women need to know that we have come too far to still be stuck , some of this women are

·        1.  Women in abusive relationships, who are beaten, bruised and even harassed emotionally ( the thinking that he is too good for me or I am lucky to have him because he is above me ). A relationship should be about mutual love and respect.

·         2. Women who want to chase their passions but the society expects them to act a certain way, so you hold back.

·       3.   Girls whose families give them out for marriage in exchange of financial benefits (to send her brothers to school).

     The International Women’s day ( which I have decided should be a everyday in my entire life) is to remind us that the fight is not over.  Some women fought to bring us this far, we need to extend that hand. How?

1.       Tell our friends that it is OK to dump the guys that treat them like tramp.

2.       Go to our friends house and help them move out if they are victims of repeated domestic violence.

3.       Speak up in our offices if we are disregarded by men.

4.       Talk to young girls about having dreams and not letting anyone shut them down.

5.       Stand up against marrying off of young girls in our neighborhood and families.

6.       Sponsoring the education of  young girl we know is interested in school but her family cannot afford it.

7.       Treat your house helps like women that they are.

The title of this year’s women day by UN was/ is "Empowering Women, Empowering Humanity: Picture it!"

Empower a woman in your life throughout this year- emotionally, spiritually, physically. This “fight is not over” not until the day when no girl in the world is hit or raped or insulted and Every woman is treated with respect.

Let us know, let our friends know, let our daughters grow to know. Women have come too far to take a step back.

I know I sounded angry, I am not. Just worried that things are not right yet.

Please share your view on Women’s freedom and empowering a woman?

Everywoman has a right to by all means live life and be happy.

The Birthday Spirit

....In the next 10 years, I will be 23 years old, I will be married with two kids, own a beautiful secondary school and have an orphan home with up to 100 orphans and bla bla bla …..I read on.

My writing, my words, from a secondary school write titles "In the next ten years".When i wrote this, i was in my first teen year.
re- reading it, the questions I asked myself where, how old was I again?, why did I think I would have all this?, what was going on in my happily-naïve-about-the-ways-of-the-world-head?

Dear 13 year old me. I am glad you had a lot of dreams and fantasies, but life is realer now. I am glad you dreamt freely with no restrictions (you really had none, to dream all this), life is still beautiful, but it is not Alice in Wonderland.

My birthday is around the corner so yes, We had to have a birthday post. Why not?

Everyone has a way they react to their birthdays (the Birthday Spirit I call it), How we feel about getting older, the last year in out own life's; it is like an individual New year and we all get imto it differently.

So I decided to analyse reaction to birthdays, using a typical BBM contacts list as my sample study (I am sure we can all spot them on our contact list)

1.  The birthday crazies-

                These guys must have chosen their birthdays in heaven, because they are sold unto it and they do not take it for granted. Their actions are in 3 stages.

The Month- They love their birthdays, they start the announcement from the first day of their birthday month- Team March, our month is here again, March is Fabulous. Few days to my bday people, Count down on, 24 more hours to goo, Yipeeee- my day is here again.

Days before- They begin to change pictures of themselves a million times day before their birthday to give their contacts picture options to use that day, they act like mother hens to their contacts and if you use a picture they don’t like, they will send you a new picture instantly.

On the D-day- They send an early morning BC- thank you, I see me everywhere ( but you are not my DP- I get the sub, I will make  you my DP now). They might even ping you directly and say- do you know today is my birthday? (Aka-why am I not your DP and PM)

P.S-We all have no right to complain, it is their birthday and they can do what they want to, the least we can be is –happy for them. I always secretly look forward to their birthdays to see the new drama they will unleash.

 2.    In Betweens-

They do not shout about their birthday, but they WILL make you notice, either through a DP that says- Turn down for what, it is my birthday, I cannot keep calm it is my day or a PM that says, Thank you dear God for bringing me to another year again, I see love from every where and I am humbled (yea right, like you were not going through your contacts to see who forgot).

3.  I am not sure I care

You will have no idea in the world it is their day, because they will not mention or say or even instigate. If they are pushed to the extreme because some people choose to remember and put them up everywhere, their response would be- Thanks guys, I am grateful, God has been faithful. If you were not aware before that day, you might not read meaning into this.

My birthday spirit

Why does everybody have a different birthday spirit?

(Here is a little Thesis- by the Psychologist in me)

Our reactions to the day over time

 (Before you give my psychologist an F9, let me explain)

Over the last few years, my birthday spirit has been sad, I always tend to cry because I realize (sadly) that I am getting old. Not that that is a problem, but it seems days before my birthday (the devil I am sure) lets me see someone my age doing amazing things. So on my birthday I think, see what your mates are doing and see you here. That affects my happiness and makes me NO. 3.

On some other years, I do not see my mates doing more amazing things, but I see people tend to celebrate me and think I am doing well for my age and that makes me NO. 2.

I have a cousin who is annoyed by the world around her on her birthday every year, she practically expects to be annoyed, and her birthday is January 1^st.

Some years, she lets the anger get to her and she becomes number 3. Some years she decides she will be happy no matter what and if the decision is made on that day, she becomes NO. 2, If the decision is made before that day, she becomes NO. 1

So however it is we act on our birthdays, making a conscious effort to be happy really helps.It is a good day to fulfill one of the things on your bucket list.

Hate it or Love it, the day we are born was the best day of someone’s life and whether it was a 100 years ago, the fact that it once was a happy day should make all the difference. 

This year, my birthday has 2 days, because it falls on a weekend and I have to celebrate it with my office family. I have decided to be happy for 2 straight days non- stop.

Learn to find fun and happiness, as they say, some people were born on the same day as you, are no more, are really ill, are still struggling for things you did not think about before you got.  By any means, Live life and be Happy.

Happy birthday to my fellow Marchers.

What is your birthday spirit and why is it so? Remember to share your experience below.

Remember to share with your contact list and tell them which number you think they are. Share the Fun.

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