Queen of the Ring

Disclaimer: This post is not about a girl who is in love with starting or taking over fights on behalf of friends (though the name could serve)

A girl sang a song called -Lord of the ring on stage at the Lagos Jazz festival. Changed the name a bit, but kept the idea.

Sadly I do not know her name but  he song was great, so I dedicate this post to her.

The song was about guys who propose to a girl and there is no wedding for over 3 yrs, some as many as 6yrs (does this really happen though? 6 yrs? I hear its becoming very rampant)

I decided that this was something I had never really thought about, so I decided to think about it and these are the thoughts that were on a Babesmind.

To be sure I was making my judgement from the worlds definition of a wedding proposal and not mine, I asked Google, and it said "A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other's hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of an engagement.

I have highlighted the words –ask for the others hand in marriage; meaning a proposal is- I will like to marry you.

(By the way, did you notice how Google did not state that the guy asks a lady to marry him; they said one person asks another person. Ladies take note, you can also ask)

It means you have thought hard about it- All her habits that you hate and you are ready to deal with, the entire financial burden it will put on you and  all the family drama that is about to start.

You have thought longer and extra-extra harder about all the things in your life that you will have to give up- all the side chicks (wonder why there should be any though) that you will have to give up and you have told yourself- Hell yea, I am ready for this.

Then you planned as we had agreed in the post The ringless proposal that a proposal was in order and then she said yes.

She told the world- mom, family, friends,colleagues, enemies (like yes b*tch, I am hitched before you) and anybody that cared to hear or compliment on the new bling on her finger.

All thanks to social media, the self-acclaimed news casters aka  friends put it on their bbm DP’s. People she had not seen in years also put it up, people from all around call her,.

Some people even go as far as her Facebook page and say congrats, awakening her formerly uninformed acquaintances.

To make matters worse, the guys that were all around waiting for you to do kpim so they can take over; see it and walk away. The equally distant crushers begin to kill their feelings.

Now, this is the point where I stop understanding things.

What happened? What is your excuse for taking her up a hill and then leaving her hanging?

What can the possible excuse be? That 3 years after this free public show you make no further move or you go to see her parents after this and then never follow up?

Ok, let me not be judgmental. Let me find possible excuses

1.       Her bride price was high- but when you met her and heard where she was from, didn’t you suspect? Or when you realized you like her, did you not do a back ground check? And find the range? 

( I do not even think this reason holds water because I know if this is the issue, a girl will always work it out, call her family to order or something, it will sha be reolves)

In fact, I cancel this as a possible reason.

2.       Mid- Life Crisis

Ok, so you thought you were ready to get married then she said yes and suddenly, you weren’t sure again?

This one is almost understandable, but is it fair?

To put somebody’s life and happiness on hold because you have cold feet.

Mr. Man, did you not think about this through and through and through? And are you the first person to have cold feet.

 (I also cancel this reason; cold feet cannot be longer than 6 months now, can it?)

3.       You or her needed to travel aka holding her down

Bros, if you need to travel or she does, is it not right that when you ask, you are sort of ready to do something small or go for a while (like a year) come back and finalise the wedding plans? Do you propose to go and never come back again? Is this particular reason not evil? So she will not have another relationship and she can wait for you for forever?

I find this one really selfish and unfair. It’s ok if she has to wait a yea, but when it reaches ¾ years and you are schooling and she is here waiting you become an enemy of progress. No lie.

4.     Getting back at her

This reason, is the one I am most certain about (It has to be, it is the only logical reason). She has hurt you before and you din’t know how to get back at her, so you decided to put her life and happiness on the line and embarrass her.

All these are the reasons people say “ It is God that will judge you” (he will judge us all, but yours will be special).

From all the reason my brain could muster, my verdict is that there is nooooooooooo good enough reason to make a girl "Queen of the ring". It is simply not nice. If work or finance suddenly went south, then do a wedding within the new budget (abi?)

I personally wonder how the girls even wait that long and what the guys  tell them that make them willing to wait. If you have a friend, sister, enemy sef waiting for a guy for up to 3 years, Kill the thought of how embarrassing the question will be and please ask her “babe, whats up?”. 

There is no point being silent about this.

I am emotionally exhausted at the thought of this, but I can’t forget to say live, love and laugh… Bye

What do you think?

I wrote about marriage last week and this, does not make me a relationship blogger, i have written about other things, feel free to go through them.