Mothers run the world: A wedding tale.

The introduction was finally over and her mom looked at her and said-“ I mixed up his surname. I kept telling the pastors to pray you break up with James John instead of James Paul (I hope it is obvious I am using fake names), I only found out his real name when they called him at the introduction, no wonder you people did not break up, because I know God always  answers my prayers.”lool  (What is it they say about God working in mysterious ways?)

My friend is getting married to her boo of 8yrs (before you go awww or the guy tried) you need to understand the story behind these 8 years, the relationship might have been shorter but for a lot of drama to put it in one word: Her mom.

                                                      

Dear readers, pls do not become lawyers and judges all up in here,  her mom is an amazing mother and wife with the best intentions. Anyway here comes the drama.

Stage 1; Direct : My friend is an Igbo girl and her boo, bae, baby, bestie (trying to recount all the names she calls him, but that would take 2 pages, she changes name per season) is not Igbo.

Her mom gave hints from the moment the relationship began,” he is not Igbo and he does not have money” (You see in life, whatever you lack money makes up for it, be ugly but have money; be a wife beater, but have money; be ill mannered but have money. Money is the perfect Make up, how did the world get here thou?).

Stage 2; Gaining Support:  This drama started about 3 years ago when he was ready to make her a Mrs and maama was not ready to hear that one, she got her husband on her side.(as with almost every Nigerian mother, I personally think that is an unfair battle 2 against 1, until my mom reminds me that –and the 2 shall become 1)

The hubby support was not enough; Maama told the story of her daughter being stubborn to anyone that cared to listen- friend, neighbour, aunty etc.

Some called her to advice her, but she gave them a piece of her mind and when  Maama heard “your daughter was rude”. Maama decided bf was the cause, her daughter had been jazzed.  

Now this stage was terrible for her, because it involved name calling in front of her younger ones- the disobedient child, the bad example (she is the first child).

It got as bad as getting referred by her parent whenever she had needs (including school fees) the bf, since “she had chosen him over them”. Being the amazing guy that he is, he paid the fees and provided support not just him, but his whole extended family. His mom ensured she knew her doors were open 24/7 in case she needed a getaway or peace (which you can be sure she always needed).

His mom went as far as visiting her mother to talk it out (do I need to say how that went?).

But how can you leave someone who was there for you in those moments, he was not there for her alone sef, he brought his family along (who walks away from that? Jezebel’s mentor?)                                               

Stage 3: The eventual miracle

January 2015 came and le’ Boo’s mother told her “we have to do this wedding 2015, start praying (My friend however felt God was on her parents side, if not how could she be suffering so much), but she prayed and really fasted, travelled home and spoke to her dad (in the same words she had used a million times before) and this time he agreed and gave a date for introduction. Maama still did not move.

Here comes introduction day and she did not lift a finger to cook and get ready for the in-laws (my friends alobams came through and the cooking was sha done)

Introduction goes on and Maama hears bobo’s name and realised SHE HAD BEING CALLING THE WRONG NAME at the pastors she had gone to, the confession you read at line one.

It’s now post-introduction and Maama becomes an angel from nowhere. She is all about the wedding and the guy, caliing him, cooking for him when he comes to town “after all, he is her Son-in-law”

Did I mention that this story is 100% real?

It is up to you to decide if miracles happen?

My dear friend, while others might read this with a smile or a laugh, you would read it with a tear or two because to you this was no joke, it was a painful reality for a long while, but congrats you triumphed. Wish you an amazing wedding and a home filled with love.

Experienced this, going through this, see this coming?. Whatever it may, share your thoughts.

Kidnapped

Have you ever been kidnapped?

Well I have.

Not the “we have your daughter and we are not returning her till you pay an outrageous sum of money” Kidnap.

 In all honesty any kidnapper that will try that will be wasting a good kidnapping avenue, because my parents have nothing but prayers to offer (Prayers is always good enough, but that’s not what the Kidnappers want, especially since the prayers will definitely not wish them well)

I am sorry, I always divert (You should be used to it though)

I was kidnapped by my friend, a guy who liked me in school.

His friend was out of town and he needed to get something from my neighbor, exams had ended and everyone was planning to head home.

The friend, let’s call him  Ash ( Why? err, because I can and the name ain’t bad) and the one that liked me –Kid (shortened from kidnapper). Try to remember the characters.

Ash asked me if I could help get something from my neighbor who was leaving and drop it off at his house with Kid since I would be passing by. I agreed, after all, it was an in and out (If only I knew).

When I got to the house Kid had visitors that were just leaving.Immediately they stepped out, he locked the door. I wanted to go out and he said No (I thought this was a joke, till he walked away with the key.

His reason- he wanted me to be with him, he promised not to touch me, and he did not (thank God, even though I prayed so hard and I am sure my mom was too). He said he just wanted me to spend time with him as that is what he had always wanted from me – time.

To cut four hours short-  I struggled for the key, formed vex, sat closed up in a corner and hid away my tears for 4 hours( he could not see my cry and then feel victorious).

During this time, he kept asking me if I wanted to eat, if I was comfortable, if I was angry (who would not be), if I wanted to kill him (why not) and how he was really sorry and I should forgive him.

He even offered me food and opened the window so I could scream to the neighbours (If that would make me feel better, though he knew no one would send).

I do not know how to feel, glad he was not touching me or sad that I was with a psychopath (who else would kidnap a girl, be begging for forgiveness and expect a smile ooo  and also not touch her(thank God thou), except in Novels, which I blamed myself for reading)

Ash came back from his journey by 10:00pm (he was my price charming in shining armor as I had no idea he was going to back that day)  and set me free, he was really sorry and mad at his friend.

He called all week long to say how sorry he was. Nice guy.

Note that Kid did not touch or harass me, but he locked me up, for hours 4, I mean FOUR GODDAMN HOURS.( Just in case you want to for detective and see how dumb I was, he took my phone from me and yes, even if I was a dumb girl, my adrenaline made me smart and still- Nothing worked)

He was not a stranger to me either, but I felt humiliated.

Considering I already have a terrible sleeping habit. I did not get any sleep that nigh (though I was back to the comfort of my home). I thought of all the things that could have gone wrong.

That is why I cannot imagine Chibok girls, what they might be going through, if they are alive?, how they have wept and what life would have been for them over the last year.

Their mates have gotten into universities, and they are what? Wives of heartless demons?

Are they even alive?

Do they have any hope?

Do they still believe in God?

Should any teenager go through this?

I have had a 4 hours kidnap experience and I still hate the thought of it (though it is a funny story now). Talk more of a year.

What do you think or have to say?

There is no good way to think of kidnap, it is bad in everyway. Imagine waiting for someone, the anger, the agitation, then imagine it against your will. That still has nothing on kidnap.

Nothing in this world does.

The part 3 of Easter had to do with Fast and Furious and how we remembered that Paul Walker had gone, but this morning was day 365 of Chibok girls. I am sorry, but I chose that over.

Paul Walker I will miss but considering there is a plan from how 7 ended for a part 8, the world has moved on (deep breath), It always does.

Nature's Identity Crisis

There is a reason we have holidays, so we can rest from work and have fun.

While fun means different things to different people- Reading a book, watching a movie, cooking and sleeping, I think there is a need to find fun in stepping out, going out to do something. For help on that, please read an earlier article, The Bucket list.

When I was growing up, my family moved to Jos. My elder brothers were in secondary school, leaving my parents, my younger brother and I. Great times.

Every Sunday, after church we would dress in hiking clothes, jeans, shirts and trainers and head to a new rock location that my dad would have spotted over the week. It was an exciting routine.

We would climb a hilly rock for about 30 minutes, with our board games, football, camera and well packed picnic.

I loved those times and I am still drawn to nature.

On my way home for the Easter, I realized that while I do not have all the money in the world(yet) , I still want to travel and see things. I realized that careful planning is all it really takes, 

I want to start from this Christmas (fingers crossed). Life is too short to not see the world (please note that the world starts from outside your door, the world is not in the movies or novels, you have to step out to see it).

A lot of people think they have to travel out and their budget bla bla, but there are beautiful places in Nigeria if you are willing, here are  a few

1. Kajuru Castle Kaduna

2. Yankari game reserve Bauchi

3. Obudu ranch in Cross river

4. Gurara water falls, Niger state

There are also a lot of travelling agencies, Brisk Nigeria, Wakanow, or other deals on deal dey and booking early helps.

And there are a lot more. It is just the 4^th month of the year, and a little dedicated savings a month can take you a long way.

In the love for nature, my friends invited me to head to Gurara water falls in Niger state.

So on Saturday 04/04/2015 we planned to head down. Before the journey began, we went to get a few things we would need. We drove into a store to get them. 

While driving in we read a disclaimer that said loosing the card attracted a fine of N10,000, we laughed at how ridiculous the price was and went in, only to misplace our own card (what is it they say about power of the tongue, lool).

Well to cut the long story short, we spent about an hour sorting it out, by we; I meant the guys, and the ladies remained in the cars. 

(To say it mildly I sat meekly, but I hated that, why could I not be inside with the guys finding a solution and filling the forms. I felt really boxed and I buzzed their phones, but going in meant getting hate eyes from the other girls; who does this girl think she is??? Women issues, to be handled soon) and having some of the guys think this girl is stubborn o, why can't she just sit in the car?).

We (they) sorted that out and hit the road. Just as we got there and were settling, some of our friends strolled further away and we heard screams and my friends came back shaken, someone had just drowned.

We strolled towards the group, young people like us, who had come to have some of natures peace and quiet, they had gone into the water to swim, and as they were getting ready to go, their friend was coming out of the water and started drowning (maybe he lost a footing). 

One of the “water guards” tried to pull him up, but he started pulling him in instead and he had to let go.

Two of my friends and I gathered around the water to pray for a miracle (I still pray will come). The guy never came back up till his friends left, and so they drove home without him. I wondered who will go to his house door to tell his family, 

How would they find the strength to travel home safely?

Its been 5 days and I am still not over it, the times you want to ask God why, but he understand things better.

Talk about an Identity Crisis.

                         

So you love nature but it can be dangerous, tornadoes, tsunamis. Beautiful and yet deadly (talk about trying to figure out your identity) , that is natures war and we cannot stop it, we also cannot live locked because you never know.

With nature; it is a love hate thing.

Nature has its own Identity crisis, to be loving or to be fighting.

To allow them have fun and go or to bring out the evil roar.

Even nature has its own Identity Crisis.

I want to be angry at nature, but I know just like me, it has its own struggles.

Then again, God made the earth (beautiful) but now, the devil runs it (talk about that mean guy, what do you expect)

I do not know if that would scare or encourage you to explore nature, but live while you can, enjoy the beauty of the earth, by all means live life.

I know this is a sad story, feel free to say whatever you feel in the comment box.

also share how you have managed finances to enable you go on  a vacation.

My vacation, story 2, story 1 here

The Vacation part 3 comes up on Tuesday. See you then.

Remember to Live life.

(I hope you start making plans, so by January we can take turns to share vacation stories).

Mental time machine

Why did today have to be Tuesday, because today is one of those days where I just wanted it to rain all day while I lie down on my bed, drink tea and read a Karen Kingsbury novel (days that only exist in my dreams these days- demands of growing up)

Have you ever been exhausted with a relationship, 5 yrs later and you ask yourself, How did i get here (because it has become a boring place and the emotions are gone)?

How about your job, when you go, why on earth am I even here? This is the worst and most boring job on earth.

Or life. To think it has almost everything you thought you wanted but it seems so empty and you are sad.

It was really not your fault (or anybody's) , all these things just became too normal to be exciting, they became boring and regular and tiring and you almost want to ask yourself " how could I ever want this, what was wrong with me?"

 

Rewind a little while before we got that and you would not believe the excitement we had about them.Take your brain back a few years or months or whenever.

Like the Job and the day we got the employment letter, the screams of excitement. 

The relationship, the day he asked you out and you felt butterflies (like OMG!!! this guy is going to be mine)

Or  Guys, the day you asked her out and she said yes; how you had lumps in your throat and the little fear that she might say no (even the baddest guys have this and yes!!!! i am sure)   or the feeling of accomplishment when she said yes. 

How were we so excited about something before and how does it get to the point when it seems old and boring and draggy and usual and what on earth is this (am i the only one that wonders how this happens).

Sometimes when we are having a little of this "unhappy situation" and someone around us is excited about getting something, the demon in us goes " you will soon be unhappy with this situation". 

Sometimes we are mean enough to say it to their face (we say it as if it is out of concern) but our hearts know better, the questions go like this-

 Are you sure you want to take that job?

Are you sure you want to date that guy?, you know good boys can be boring and i know you ( ah ahn)

I know the job is good o, but do you want to stay in that state?

Or the job is good o, but are you sure you want the stress?

Then our memories become really sharp and we simply and stress lessly remember sad stories about similar situations. The best part (sad really)  is how we end it, " don't worry your own will be different", I'm sure it won't happen to you". (Like the message hasn't been dropped already).

Back to the topic ( I tend to be a good diverter)

How do we get to the point of hating what we once loved?

How did that which made us smile, become the reason for a permanent frown?

How does love turn to hate?

 

I do not know (If you expected an answer, I am sorry to disappoint)

While I cannot say how we get there as the routes are as different as every individual and situation, the destination is almost always the same (tired, angry, suffocating and needing a way out).

 I can attempt something else (No promises, but no harm in trying right).

I think reflecting on it from the old view helps.

But at least, I can attempt to say how to get back on track.

 Remember how you felt on day one, how it felt to open the mail and see the employment offer, how it felt to be looked at by Bae, Babe, Baby ( whatever you choose to call yourselves).

Sometimes, it takes seeing things from a new eye, like re-evaluating.seeing it from the way you saw it the first day, remembering why it excited you and finding what made hat moment great to you. Like a little rewinding clock. No one can do it for you, but you can do it for you. There's always that memory that would make us smile again and maybe that is the starting point.

Its important to keep our mental time machine ready to go back or forward to what lies ahead.

Worst case, remind yourself of the scarcity of jobs, or good guys/ chicks or how long and sad it will be to find a replacement.

 This is where my theory and post really started from.

To get us ready and excited for the Easter events, my church made a one minute film to summarise the essence of Easter.

 One minute i repeat, but it was so strong it made people around me cry, tears streaming down and all. 

 It was a sudden realisation of what Easter meant, nothing we din't know but a fresh look and it changed my view of easter.

My Easter was a long something, so i shall break it down to 3 parts. A series??? (err I doubt, Just  3 stories of the Easter holiday events that are not really connected).

Today, I started from pre-Easter (I hope there is a word like this)

Have you ever wanted to give up on something, how did you find your way back? Please share, we all need to learn more ways,

Remember to use the mental time machine and  by any means necessary, Live life.

We will pick the next part of Easter up Thursday. Remember to follow by e-mail .